And then I realized....

That this will be a Thanksgiving that for the first time in almost 37 years... I will not be spending with my family.

Wow.... as the harsh reality of it is now just setting in, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes....

I did get a last minute invite from my Uncle Dennis.

But.... Sigh, I chose not to go, because.... UGH, I have OCD. And over the last few years, it has gotten worse.

I almost have to plan certain things, in advance. I have this "thing" with needing to know the particulars. IE: Who, What, Where, When, How, Times, and other minor details. It's pretty pathetic actually. And really, there is not much I can do to stop that train of thought. Or other things that 'drive me nuts'.

BLAH....

So my mom had a gastric bi-pass about two weeks ago. So she is recovering still. Although her and my step-dad are going to my brothers in-laws for something small.

My "other dad" yea.... well he doesn't invite me to 'shit'. I got the phone call from his wife the other day, to make plans to celebrate our birthdays (mine and TT's) and my "little" sister will be able to make it, but its going to be in about a week and a half. But no mention of Thanksgiving. I have pretty much given up on having a real relationship with that side of my family.

I made mistakes as a teenager. And I feel like... They gave up. Stopped trying. I'm not gonna get into it. But "they" make me feel unwanted. The pity invites... BLAH!

And then of course my biological parents are a complete write off.

And with the multitude of brothers and sisters I have....

So ya.... Thanksgiving this year... sucks SHIT. Only two of my kids, maybe three will be around tomorrow for when I cook my turkey.

But as much as it sucks shit.... I am still thankful. I still feel blessed. I can see, breathe, feel, touch, smell, walk, talk, love.... I have my kids, my health... and what little bit of family I can be with, and love. Who make me feel wanted.

I have an amazing group of friends.... My friend T.M.(my hair dresser friend) just sent me a message on Facebook, as an addendum to her Thanksgiving status. And it was only a few words long. But it also, made my eyes well up. To be short about it, I gave her and another friend a bunch of stuff for their babies. And she sent me a note to say she's thankful for me, my hand me downs, and the treat bags I bring for her kids whenever I am there.

IT'S THAT SMALL STUFF.... Who ever said you can't PICK your family... If it could be legal... A LOT of my friends are more of family to me than my own family....

So for that, I am truly thankful.