Sick and Tired

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

More specifically, of the 'going ons' in my in my house.

The kids are all old enough now. 12-19. With three of them living at home. One with his 21 year old pregnant girlfriend, and their beastly, shedding dog.

I am so tired of repeating myself over and over again.

-keep the dog off the furniture
-don't eat outside the kitchen
-no food in the bedrooms
-clean up your dirty dishes
-put the toilet paper on the holder!
-put the skateboard away
-put your shoes away
-.........

I could seriously go on for a while....

I have been a single mom for almost my entire parenting 'career'.

I don't get every other weekend off. I don't share custody with anyone. I barely get child support.

I have been here, for almost 20 years. Me, myself and I.

My ex-husband.... does what he can.

But I don't get the luxury of walking away from my responsibilities like the 2 prior dead beats before him.

I am so sick and tired of repeating myself.

When do I get a break? When do the kids that are here, start listening? When do they start doing? Where does the respect come....?

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I wish some days, that I didn't have to come home to this house.

..... I shouldn't feel this way. Period.

I love my kids. More than life. But I don't love the way they are behaving.

I wish I could play the absent dad role.

I wish I could have a break.

But that doesn't happen.  Not in my world. I am here. I always will be.

I just need this stage of parenting to go faster. Cuz this.... this sucks.